Wolfman Owner's Manual
by Tim Forder
If you've ever been attacked by a large man-shaped wolf, or perhaps you're just interested in the lifestyle of the Wolfman, then this book's for you. As a changeling myself, I wanted to learn more about my new change of life. This took a lot of time and research, and now I pass what I have learned on to you.
WARNING: This book has bite to it. Read it if you dare!
Excerpt
INTRODUCTION
So you think you’re a werewolf. Let’s see ... you are waking up some mornings with no clothes on and with no memory of the night before. First, check if there is a correlation between the cycle of the full moon and your blackouts. If your blackouts are happening during the cycle of the full moon (and only during the cycle of the full moon) then you may be a werewolf.
If these blackouts are happening during nights other then the cycle of the full moon, then I suggest you cut back on your boozing.
If these blackouts are occurring only during the cycle of the full moon, and you awaken naked the morning after and feeling the residue of the night’s wildness, you may be a werewolf. If this seems to be the case, and you are asking, “How did I become a wolf-man?” I suggest you read Chapter One: Becoming a Wolf-man.
If following these blackouts, you awaken wondering if you have killed during the night, or if you feel a compulsory need to skim newspapers and watch the local news for reports of missing or mutilated bodies that may have occurred during your blackouts, you should read Chapter Two: To Kill Or Not To Kill.
If your blackouts occur during the cycle of the full moon, and you are looking through the local news for reports for brutal deaths during your periods of blackouts, you are most likely freaking out with painful thoughts such as, Oh no, I have the curse of the werewolf! Let’s get this misconception out of the way right now. If you are a wolf-man, you are not cursed! Movies and books always carry on about the wolf-man’s curse. That is movie-drama nonsense. You are only as cursed as you make yourself and your condition. Read Chapter Three: The Wolf-Man Curse.
You are massively hairy to the point of having everyone who looks at you exclaim, “Wolf-man, Wolf-man…” but you don’t have blackouts on or off the cycle of the full moon and you’re always hyper-hairy. You might start to wonder if everyone else is correct. I’d suggest you read Chapter Six: Medical Conditions That Mimic Lycanthropy, Section: Hypertrichosis.
Throughout this book I will endeavor to illustrate my points with personal experiences from my life and shared experiences from other wolf-men I have interviewed. Wolf-men are very solitary by nature, unless they are a member of a family pack (hereditary) or part of a tribal nation. There are no wolf-man conventions or a wolf-man version of AA. So where do these shared experiences come from? Wolf-man Web sites.
I have even interviewed and been interviewed by Werewolf Hunters. If you are a Wolf-man, you should definitely read Chapter Seven: Wolf-Man Hunters.
Now that you have read the chapter or chapters that answer your greatest concerns, please allow me to suggest starting over from the first chapter and learn all that you can learn.
